ɅFU

Kenapa?

April 04, 2018

“Kok jarang cerita sih sekarang?”

Just because I don’t tell you any story, it doesn’t mean that I have no story. Ada. Buanyak. I don’t even know am I introvert or extrovert, somehow I love being alone and much more productive when I do everything by myself, but somehow I can’t deny that meeting someone who smart and kind or maybe humorous is the way for me to be more productive (aka spur my spirits on doing something) too. Back to the first question of this post because I don’t need solutions of this kinda thing, thus I don’t have any urge to tell the story.

“Cerita aja, setidaknya relieves stress”

Ga gitu. Buat gue. Gue lebih senang cerita dengan orang yang ga gue kenal ya karena peduli setan ga kenal, abis itu dia ga bantuin gue ga masalah, dia bakal lupa dan yaudah. Itu stress relief. Atau gue cerita ke diri sendiri dan ditulis, kayak gini. Gue ga bakal punya tuntutan untuk terus cerita, ga perlu takut nantinya kalau tiba-tiba gue ditinggal. I mean everything is temporary, I don’t know am I still alive tomorrow or 5 seconds after this post is published. I don’t know are you curious about my story or backstab, or you really care about me. I don’t know. Is it better to make any space, tho? Everything that you hold tightly will only make you sick. Really.

Gue masih manusia normal kok yang kadang kalo nemu hal lucu atau amazing, gue ceritain ke orang. Certain person. I always make my stories as a puzzle, I tell to A about what I did; tell to B about what I got; tell to C about what I watched. I should make my circle smaller than ever to make me happy, perhaps. As I am getting older, I realize that I can’t make everyone in all of my circle are happy with what I do, of my presence. The thing that is also important, but I always forgot was about my happiness –comfort, when I was surrounding myself with all of them. I can’t lie to myself anymore. I am going to be 22 this year (ya. penting.) and have to be wiser on making decisions and decreasing foolishness.

Well, bye-bye.

Glass

Maret 07, 2018

Natcon!

Februari 14, 2018

been a while not post anything, this will be my first post on 2018! cheers to the new year, new spirits, and new experiences to come!

I started 2018 by having a rough final exams. these were literally my final exams after struggling for 7 terms on my bachelor degree! had 10 subjects with 21 credits somehow made me stressful. really. 3 of them are practices with 1 credit only. cry. cry. cry. lucky me, for the first time there were no group sampis yang biasanya bikin gue nangis bombay tiap ngerjain tugasnya like on my previous terms. let said, groups of mine were my dream teams. ea. thanks guys for saving me!

I never imagine that I totally changed. totally. since the first day of college life, I easily adapted myself anywhere, yet they didn't know how messy I was, tried to fit in. for me, college life was surely challenging myself in all of forms and aspects. lot of things were supposed to tell me that I'm beyond tough and the capacity of mine could be expanded more. kalau bukan Pandawa, gue TPB sangat ringkih karena tiap bulan pasti sakit; Pandawa yang ngajarin kekuatan temen dan sugesti. kalau bukan Smansa, gue sampai sekarang kayaknya ga seambis ini jg deh (?). I'm sure. the willing of doing more than my limit were theirs. since the day 0 (even before matriculation started), I had lists which things I had to improve and leave. and now.. kinda sad but overly happy to finish my research as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!! [plz bgt ini mah gmn caranya supaya wa tida mager]

several days after exams, I had flied to Borneo again. reported my one year work was countless pleased. being VDP was one of my biggest learning. all of tears, struggles, sleepless nights, deep talks, thoughts, everything were kinda paid off well! believe me that I was beyond happy at that time, was going to tear but I almost had no heart to say so. intinya gue mati rasa, di hati tuh kayak sedih seneng campur aduk but could not express them. help. I did happy to see Kak Ay, Kanza, Aqil, Tambah again (even sadly there was no Kak Syug there) also Kak Anjela! it was like.. oh my God it was already a year that full of drama ~~WKWK~~ have been passed like sure?! there were no cyber meeting each week, tasks due to tight deadlines, KRL-an alone in a week fully which always ended up by laughing at myself and scolding "bego bgt sih fu" or "ha receh" or slapping me while seeing a lot of facts that dunia kejam. and then eating alone after several days (iya biasanya kalo lg hectic gitu gue bisa ga makan dan ga tidur berhari-hari, biasanya jg ya pas makan sendirian gue akan membuat catatan gue ngapain aja ya hari ini trs ngomong "harusnya lo bersyukur lebih banyak lagi" atau "mama lg ngapain ea gangguin ah" atau "dah lama nih ga foto pamer ke adik, pamer ah" atau "papa punya kerecehan apa lg ea" pokoknya a quality self-talk yg cucok abis!). thus, I learnt a lot to be more independent that sometimes make my friends kzl and yelled "lu kayak gapunya temen aja sih" then I replied "ya gue kan ga enak". gitu aja terus sampe gue nonton black panther (gatau kpn guys. sad.)

there were some things I would not ever forget while last Natcon. like.. evaluation result from CCNC (it was so wistful while Kak Ayida and Kak Anjela hugged me and wept for the last time before they left us and whispered to me some secrets, ga deng.), or discussion with Aqil, Tambah, Kanza yang udah oleng banget ga mandi but it's ok masih wangi and reminisced how geregetannya kita, and many more!

I'd like to warn Mila and Falki as my new partners too! semoga ya anda berdua tahan thdp stickers line ku yg variatif, curcolan aku dari pasangan hingga penelitian, meme qasidahan aku, and other go$$ips to come! nyam!

once again, thanks so damn much to all of parties that have trusted me since the very beginning! I was nothing and lack of ideas when I had to conduct a national scale event and board! helped me, hugged and lifted me up when I restlessly could not do all of these things, supported, been there and advised me what I should do, or even reminded me :p to NC qu; I don't even know what kind of thankful that I have to be praised to, I do believe that you guys will have a brightest path ahead!

these were glimpses of Natcon 2018! thank you ULM for being a well-prepared host!