I'm kind of tired at all, I mean of crying; of trying; of waiting; of expecting that everything will be right yesterday but the reality is not.

But this month, I got the lessons. People will not always go with their commandments, the one who have the "position" might be wobbly to stand on their own; for some reason.. they might try to take a little more benefits by degrading their principle. It was sad, but it happened to me for several times. And, it was reaaaaally hurt. For sure.

Even I got upset to several relatives who made it funny. Waiting for 5 weeks were being successfully made me loose 5.5 kg dude. Lucky you guys. Please, stop joking for this.

Now, I'm praying to take the grant as the substitution, maybe I would have any job earlier or easier. I believe that everything with hard works & patience would be more beautiful at the end.

Bye.

Since been so long not post anything, I'm going to publish something thru this personal —but publicly announced— page. Not a thesis defense's appreciation post because it still needs more patience to face a cruelly undescribable person.

That day was being one of memorandum which maybe will bring smiles a lil longer than ever. Decided to go to Semasa Market, one week before the event, yet since I am a person who love surprises we insisted to go to The Museum of Bank of Indonesia first, then moved to the first plan. Sadly, accompanied by my maag along the walking tour.

Experienced to the most joyful place of mine to meditate over anything that happened recently, took some goods, ate a scoop of ice cream, tasted bakeries, amazed by analog cams, learnt about history, had afternoon talks about what the future holds at the station. Def, this is what Honne says that "I never knew that this could feel so good". Here some pics.

***

Mine is good as long as keep progressing on something. Ye you know lah what 'something' means. These few months become the hardest time of mine, ga jarang gue ngilang dari orang banyak.. God, it's good to be not surrounded by people. Gue nangis sejadi-jadinya sampe pusing terus tidur. Gatau faedahnya apa, but it really helped me to soothe my scrambled-thoughts-and-feelings. Sampai gue buka handphone terus ga ngerti gimana ceritanya ada post orang tentang surat Al-Insyirah.. gue jadi nangis makin kejer (sebenernya gue lagi puasa saat itu, tapi.. everything was overwhelming at that time. Semoga tetap diterima puasanya). Reckless banget, pas nyadar "Indeed, with hardship will be ease" that repeated twice. God slapped me with His sweetest way. Gue baca surat itu berkali-kali sampai ketiduran lagi. Seriously, it's a moment where all of the sadness turned away. Bangun-bangun shalat, mandi langsung normal lagi. Dan biasa, jadi "ih apasih fu lemah bener" ke diri sendiri. Sedih gitu tiap shalat atau tadarus kan baca surat itu, tapi ga pernah nyadar maksudnya yang super-duper dalam. wk.

Udah ya bye-bye. Ntaran mau nulis tentang ambil data, penelitian, my very first solo trip to an exhibition, bukber-bukber pas makalah dan skripsi udah final. Selamat ngejar gelar dan Lailatul Qadr!

“Cerita aja, setidaknya relieves stress”

been a while not post anything, this will be my first post on 2018! cheers to the new year, new spirits, and new experiences to come!

I started 2018 by having a rough final exams. these were literally my final exams after struggling for 7 terms on my bachelor degree! had 10 subjects with 21 credits somehow made me stressful. really. 3 of them are practices with 1 credit only. cry. cry. cry. lucky me, for the first time there were no group sampis yang biasanya bikin gue nangis bombay tiap ngerjain tugasnya like on my previous terms. let said, groups of mine were my dream teams. ea. thanks guys for saving me!

I never imagine that I totally changed. totally. since the first day of college life, I easily adapted myself anywhere, yet they didn't know how messy I was, tried to fit in. for me, college life was surely challenging myself in all of forms and aspects. lot of things were supposed to tell me that I'm beyond tough and the capacity of mine could be expanded more. kalau bukan Pandawa, gue TPB sangat ringkih karena tiap bulan pasti sakit; Pandawa yang ngajarin kekuatan temen dan sugesti. kalau bukan Smansa, gue sampai sekarang kayaknya ga seambis ini jg deh (?). I'm sure. the willing of doing more than my limit were theirs. since the day 0 (even before matriculation started), I had lists which things I had to improve and leave. and now.. kinda sad but overly happy to finish my research as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!! [plz bgt ini mah gmn caranya supaya wa tida mager]

several days after exams, I had flied to Borneo again. reported my one year work was countless pleased. being VDP was one of my biggest learning. all of tears, struggles, sleepless nights, deep talks, thoughts, everything were kinda paid off well! believe me that I was beyond happy at that time, was going to tear but I almost had no heart to say so. intinya gue mati rasa, di hati tuh kayak sedih seneng campur aduk but could not express them. help. I did happy to see Kak Ay, Kanza, Aqil, Tambah again (even sadly there was no Kak Syug there) also Kak Anjela! it was like.. oh my God it was already a year that full of drama WKWK have been passed like sure?! there were no cyber meeting each week, tasks due to tight deadlines, KRL-an alone in a week fully which always ended up by laughing at myself and scolding "bego bgt sih fu" or "ha receh" or slapping me while seeing a lot of facts that dunia kejam. and then eating alone after several days (iya biasanya kalo lg hectic gitu gue bisa ga makan dan ga tidur berhari-hari, biasanya jg ya pas makan sendirian gue akan membuat catatan gue ngapain aja ya hari ini trs ngomong "harusnya lo bersyukur lebih banyak lagi" atau "mama lg ngapain ea gangguin ah" atau "dah lama nih ga foto pamer ke adik, pamer ah" atau "papa punya kerecehan apa lg ea" pokoknya a quality self-talk yg cucok abis!). thus, I learnt a lot to be more independent that sometimes make my friends kzl and yelled "lu kayak gapunya temen aja sih" then I replied "ya gue kan ga enak". gitu aja terus sampe gue nonton black panther (gatau kpn guys. sad.)

there were some things I would not ever forget while last Natcon. like.. evaluation result from CCNC (it was so wistful while Kak Ayida and Kak Anjela hugged me and wept for the last time before they left us and whispered to me some secrets, ga deng.), or discussion with Aqil, Tambah, Kanza yang udah oleng banget ga mandi but it's ok masih wangi and reminisced how geregetannya kita, and many more!

I'd like to warn Mila and Falki as my new partners too! semoga ya anda berdua tahan thdp stickers line ku yg variatif, curcolan aku dari pasangan hingga penelitian, meme qasidahan aku, and other go$$ips to come! nyam!

once again, thanks so damn much to all of parties that have trusted me since the very beginning! I was nothing and lack of ideas when I had to conduct a national scale event and board! helped me, hugged and lifted me up when I restlessly could not do all of these things, supported, been there and advised me what I should do, or even reminded me :p to NC qu; I don't even know what kind of thankful that I have to be praised to, I do believe that you guys will have a brightest path ahead!

these were glimpses of Natcon 2018! thank you ULM for being a well-prepared host!

ini gemes bgt ga sih fotonya?! wkwk

aku lg LPJ-an guys ngadegdeg but keep smiling seperti kata caesar YKS.

see how madesu we were! setelah ketiduran capek mikir "kok lama ya? jangan2 ini LPJnya ga diterima"

WANJAY OUR BRIGHTEST SMILE RIGHT AFTER PENCABUTAN AMANAH

congrats dayut! [itu almamater ya bukan mukena apalagi daster, kegedean bgt meunang minjem]

xilao but it's ok lah ya tim receh dan ngantuk dan jayus dan bdmt apalagi hehe maaci diqadiq!

BOARD ACUUUUU! SUKSES SELALU SHAY!

full!!!!!!!!!